I am watching mama give up almost all of her connections to the world around her, having been forced to conclude that the nearly global rejection and abandonment that she has been condemned to is both final and ineluctable. Several weeks ago, she looked at me with the saddest countenance and said, 'I can hardly believe that this is how my life is ending.'
She sleeps almost all the time, getting up only for short periods to watch something on TV, such as 'Downton Abby', and to receive the only guests who care enough to visit her (only people whom I myself invite to come and see her--nobody else will take the initiative), her in-house physical therapist Robi James, or--also quite rarely--a visiting nurse from New Hope Home Care.
The reason she sleeps most of the time is because she is desperately hoping she will die in her sleep.
My care is falling short, too. Earlier this week, she stripped her bedding to be laundered. It took me two days to get it put back on her bed. When I apologized, she replied, 'I don't care anymore whether or not the bed is made.'
Resignation in a nutshell.
This a truthful report--nothing more and nothing less. In this case, a truthful report must, of necessity, include pathos. So be it. I will not lie or candy-coat reality. React to this any way you want. Accuse me (falsely) of emotional manipulation, if you will. This is reality.