On 12 April 2018, Mark Zuckerberg testified before a Congressional Hearing on ‘anti-privacy’ policies of Facebook.  Congressmen/women preened before the cameras and the mass media fell all over themselves in trumpeting the “ass whooping” Zuckerberg received.  Zuckerberg and his fellow social media CEO’s were ‘put on notice’ to clean up their acts.  We, the unwashed and uneducated public can rest assured that our politicians and media moguls are fighting for us, the little people!  (This paragraph written with FULL sarcasm)

Prior to the hearing, MSNBC aired a short broadcast revealing that at least 28 of our elected officials hold stock in Facebook.  Well, to be ‘legally’ honest, the stocks are actually held in their close family members’ names – so I guess that means no possibility of conflict of interest for the hearing.  Further, only three of those politicians were on the committee.  Naturally, not all of them were on the committee as that would have been prejudicial.  However, interesting to note is:

Top three politicians with Facebook stock (not on the committee):

Rep. Michael McCaul (R – TX) with $1mil

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D – CA) with $500k

Rep. Brad Schrader (D – IL) with $200k

 

The three politicians with Facebook stock that were on the committee (the lowest invested of the 28):

Rep. Joseph Kennedy III (D – MA) with $80k

Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D – RI) with $30k

Rep. Kurt Schrader (D – OR) with $15k (Are Kurt and Brad related?)

 

I’ll admit that I watched the proceedings with a jaundiced eye toward FaceLip commentary for my followers.  In my opinion, nothing was accomplished other than preening and media entertainment.  To regress, in January of 2018, our web host posted an e-mail he received from Twitter.  Please review his ‘Latest News’ posting titled, “Maybe I should ditch Twitter now too…” on this site.  Zuckerberg, et.al., were obviously prepping for the hearing.  Since these events, my sources have been digging around and recently provided me with an advance copy of a mass e-mailing that will be sent to ALL users of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snap Chat and every other social media platform.  Below is the actual e-mail (which will be ‘personalized and tailored’ for each subscriber and site/app).

 

OFFICIAL SOCIAL MEDIA MASS E-MAIL TO REASSURE SUBSCRIBERS:

Dear [insert first name or nickname based on subscriber profile],

We at [insert social media name] are reaching out to assure you we take the protection of your personal information seriously.  Your decision to embrace the digital age places you above those who shun using smart-phones and social media applications.  We analyze your account profile, cloud based uploads, web searches and browsing, on-line purchases, and daily travel (via you smart-phone gps) to provide you with information pertinent to your lifestyle.

Though we cannot help those who choose not to use social media, we can help you!  To the best of your knowledge and belief, we will not share your data with others.  However, we will use our subscribers’ collective data to eradicate and/or block unwanted and unnecessary socio-political content.  You are far too busy with social media to be bothered with searching out or discussing socio-political events.  Therefore, rest assured that the content we send to you will not detract from your viewing and sharing of [insert topics based on subscriber data – {cat videos} {baby videos} {food pictures and/or videos} {club, party, other drunken pictures and/or videos} {merchandise sales}].

For more information that is useful and pertinent to your lifestyle, please download our newest app [insert applicable ‘yes-help me think’ app link].  This companion app will merge seamlessly with your current social media app in order to provide you with information we decide you will need.

Thank You,

[insert social media name]